Day 90

Can positive changes be accomplished in just 90 days? The short answer is yes; changes are clearly possible. In this tiny quarter of a year (we'll call it "Q1"), what hasn't changed is my distorted view of where I was and where I want to be. I don't know if this is a product of my experiences or of the world around me, but I don't think I actually see myself correctly. Maybe it's that it's just too painful a reality, but I find myself looking in the mirror and thinking, "If I look this horrible 90 days along, how much worse was I before?" That's when I have to go back to the photos to remind myself of just how horrible it was and still is. What occurred in my life that caused all this to happen? Something went terribly wrong along the way and I wish I understood what it was. I get that I can't change what is past, but I just want to understand myself.

The work to renovate me goes on. Today at the office we served a HUGE Mexican food lunch to our associates. I did not partake of the food. It was hard because I love Mexican food. I love that my company does these wonderful things for the employees and I think it's fantastic to get to  know new people through these events, but I'm so over eating like a crazy person. I know that I will always have food issues, but they don't have to rule my life.

Most days I feel just great, but today was actually not one of them. I suppose everyone has to have an off day. So this was mine! I wasn't sick and so I went to work just like I always do (I have personal rules about that...stick around, I'm sure you'll hear about them), but I was not my normal self all day. Because of this, I elected to take the day off tomorrow. I really just think I need some rest and free-time for myself. When I got home from work, I took two Acetaminophen (the only pain reliever I'm allowed to take) and went to bed for a couple of hours. I got up at 7:30pm and felt much better; maybe not great, but better. I had supper with my husband and watched one of the video programs he uses to try to convince me that the universe was not created by God. He should give up that work. The program is interesting, but completely based on what someone thinks happened to create our universe! These guys guess like mad but try to make us think they know all this stuff. I'm not sure which turnip truck they think I fell off of, but I can assure you, it wasn't me! The universe and all other universes, should they exist were and are created by God. That's that! I think it's all fascinating, but I don't have to know anything more than that. However it is that God decided to do the creating is his business.  God is in charge.

I am not exercising today since I didn't feel well all day. I'm already better, so tomorrow I'll be back to normal. Again, I'm not stressing out about this because although I'm blogging about my 365 day personal renovation, there are no time limits placed on me in any way. The blog gives me a way to document what I'm doing and share the experience. I'd really like to help other people never have to go through this experience, but I just don't know how. At least if I write about it, others can read and learn what uncontrolled eating and no exercise will get you.

This is one of those "no pictures" kind of blog entries. My work was fulfilling today, but there are always opportunities to be either great or lousy on the job. I'm stewing about one of those right now. Let's just hope that in the end, I find the right way to handle this particular opportunity and just do the right thing. For now, I'm just trying to work out the best response. Until tomorrow when we will venture together into the area I'll call Q2 (second quarter of the year), sweet dreams, Sweeties!!