Day 73

Another day bites the dust! Smash!! To the ground it went in a blaze of glory. Although it was a fine work day and the weather was nice, I didn't like this day.  May I have another, please? I want a do over. There is always something I want to do differently...better...special...or maybe not at all. This day was like that. Also, when I drove home today from work the news radio channel I was listening to announced 8 working major/injury/fatality automobile accidents in the area at the time. Yes, all the crazy drivers were out with me! I just need to get home in one piece please. There is so much I want to do in this life and I feel like I'm racing against time. If you're young and reading this, please listen up. An old person is about to give you some important, unsolicited advice now. Here you go: Look before you leap, Sweetie! If you ever feel pressured to make a decision, remember you have the right to say, "I need time to think this through." If the person asking for a decision doesn't want to give you that time, then the answer is automatically, No! Cultivate good decision making skills, which will help you create exactly the life you want for yourself. This is something I know I didn't learn early enough at all in this life. There! Enough about my life as "Decision Disaster Girl." Yes, I have gotten some things right, but I frequently picture God up in his beautiful heaven looking down on me, regularly slapping the side of his face in amazement at my stupidity. Dear God, I wish I could do some things over and get them right!

Do you ever sit and wonder how God decided to do or make this or that? I do that all the time. Being a dreamer, I'm always thinking about things like, "How did God decide to put me together and wire me like he did?" I think God is perfect and so I know I'm just exactly what he intended, but since we have the effects of my rotten decisions at work over the last 54 years, I often wonder what I was supposed to be like. I mean really! Did God really build me the way I am, with the desires that I have and stick me in a physically unappealing body for the fun of it? Was I supposed to have other feelings and desires than I actually have? Did something go terribly wrong along the way and make me want things that I was never going to be able to have??? I'm so baffled by my design! One day, I'll understand it all. For now, I'm just over here...being baffled.

As we all know, Nancy wants to be normal. I'm never going to be what I would call fabulous. I don't think it's in me to be physically fabulous, but I want to be healthy and normal. Those who love me and you know who you are, don't care what I look like and I adore you for that.  But I want, more than anything else on this earth, to be not noticed for my fat. I want to move with grace and feel healthy. Those who know me and don't love me and you too know who you are, are maybe waiting for me to fail. Wasn't it Robert Schuller (the minister) who once said, "Failure doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you haven't succeeded yet." Well, I want success and to the distress of my enemies, I will have it...if it's the LAST thing I do!!

Now it's time to walk on the treadmill and take those steps towards success. Tomorrow will be another day, but I look forward to Wednesday...hump day...and maybe then I'll feel better about things. Until then, sweet dreams, Sweeties!!