Days 145 and 146

Okay...it is quite clear to me that at 146 days into my work to renovate me, it isn't working. A recap here: In 2008 I did a pretty good job of taking off 107 lbs. only to suffer an emergency umbilical hernia (yes, I am stupid) and after surgery to repair that I learned 10 months later that I had cancer. More surgery and recovery and **POOF** 80 lbs. back on me!! In between events we had bouts of self-loathing and lots of pissed-off Nancy-ness, which just made everything worse. That's the story in a nutshell. Fast forward to July, 2013. I decide I am now in a place (mentally) where I can do this again and maybe, just MAYBE, I can make it stick, BUT I wanted to do differently. (Stupid girl!) Well, someone slap me because I'm stupid! It ISN'T working!! Yet, I know what does. (See, I told you...stupid!!)

After a short discussion with someone unimportant to the story, it is clear that this is what works for me:

1. 1,500 calories per day, counted meticulously.
2. A meticulous food blog with transparency equal to one of Zaza Gabor's negligee's.
3. Exercise daily documented in the blog with the same transparency as with food.
4. Weigh-in on a weekly basis and report that in the blog so that everyone knows what I did and what the results were.

I know he's right, but I sure wanted to be right instead. It is so very clear to me that I have to have a pretty rigid routine and that counting calories is for me. The only thing I will do differently this time around is incorporate some opportunities to have some kind of treat now and again. I didn't to that in 2008 and I really think I will have to do that this time. It may slow me down, but I am a human being, not a machine! One of the other things I did when I had success is I limited, quite severely, meat. I ate mostly fish, vegetables, fruit and grains. Eating a mostly vegetable diet just allowed me to have more volume of the foods I could eat and thus, satisfied my TERRIFIC appetite (thank you, GOD!). So, yes, I will be starting this again.

The blog will be transformed and will contain a segment for:

• food - which will contain everything I ate during that day, including calorie counts
• exercise - what I did and for how long I did it; pictures to prove it if necessary & they may be!
• weigh-ins - yes, I will weigh in each week and post the weight in the blog **cringe**

I'm not happy right now, but I do know this is right. I'll use tomorrow and Saturday to do my preparations and get my menu planned and supplies purchased and all will start on Sunday, December 8, which will be day 149. That means I have 216 days (no, I'm not starting the day count over) to get a firm grip on myself and start getting this right. There may be loud complaining around here and I may slam a few doors for a few days, but I'll get over it. I just know this is right and I know it will work. Don't give up on me!! I will never give up!!

Now it's time for me to go on and have some fun. Until tomorrow when I hope to wake up to an icy wonderland outside, sweet dreams, Sweeties!!