I've come a long way in the last 342 days. For almost a year, the focus has been like listening to myself breathe. Every breath resonated in my chest and I tried to put deep meaning on every single one. It wasn't always easy for me to look at myself. In so many ways I'm not what I wanted to be, but in other ways I'm amazed at who I am. Life experience is unique for every individual and I'm no different. That being said, my life experience is not all sunshine and daisies. I have good, bad and ugly woven like threads of gold, green and black throughout every part of my life. Funny how the gold shines so bright it actually makes the green and black look strangely important; valuable.
Although I've often thought about how I might have a different life if I'd been able to change some experiences. If I were able to make those changes then I might not have the love of the man in my life or the joy of the gift from God that is my son. What would I actually go back and change? Maybe some choices, definitely how I thought about myself; how I valued myself. The time I wasted with very low self-esteem can't be recaptured. Some of that was based on how I held myself up against others, but some of it was just based on what I heard others say about me. Well guess what? I'm not what others say I am! Really?? NOPE, I'm not! (And neither are you!)
It's tempting to select a few words to describe myself and where I am in life, but I'm not just a collection of words. I don't know why I'm compelled to define myself, but I'm going to continue to resist the temptation to get down into the mud of life and write my own definition. I'm not going to be a collection of a few words that end up on a headstone in the end. I am Nancy; a person of many facets and one who is loved my many for many different reasons. In the meantime, I've got a life to live in the skin God gave me. Please, God, help me take better care of the skin I'm in!
Until next time be and love yourself and, Godspeed, Voyagers!!
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