Day 30

Virtually a month has passed since I started this new journey to FINALLY be right; normal...HEALTHY! I've wasted more than half a century fiddling around with something that is really so simple, that I'm just totally ashamed. This isn't nuclear science! It's eating correctly (clearly, something I wouldn't have recognized if it had bit me on my nose) and getting proper exercise. I've been studying healthy, fit people and there are some things that are very common about these folks. So, yes I've made a list (I'm so happy!) of the top 10 things that I've noticed, so far.

Top 10 Things Fit People Have In Common

1. Fit people are not afraid of, nor do they dislike sweat and they do it regularly. I had to make friends with sweat. I hated it and now that I understand what it does, how it works and how GREAT I feel after sweating, I am doing it more and more regularly.
2. Fit people care about what they put in their mouths. Okay, maybe unfit people do too, but most of the unfit people I know (pretty much my whole family) will eat whatever as long as it was prepared properly and doesn't eat them first!
3. Fit people have a proper understanding of what food is and is not. I, on the other hand, had a weird relationship with food (the subject of which will be featured in a future blog. 'smile')
4. Fit people don't care how far away from the door they have to park their car. Yes, I was one of those people who would drive around trying to park close to the door. Why? Because I'm stupid and lazy.  Was!  Sorry...was stupid and lazy.  I'm reformed!
5. Fit people play sports! I've always wanted to have a sport to play, study and talk about. Most people wouldn't know it, but I always wanted to learn to play golf. My dad taught the boys, but he wouldn't teach me. Chauvinist! My dad was that and so much more. Sorry dad, but the truth is the truth! (Don't worry! He's dead and has forgotten all about it.)
6. Fit people keep physically busy. I've noticed that most of the fit people around me are always doing something active. Cleaning, yard work, volunteering and etc. People like the former 'Me' spend a lot of time saying things like, "I can clean the house later...I'm just too tired!"
7. Fit people don't catch as many 'bug' illnesses. The fit people I know at work (yes, there are a few there) don't call out sick much. Neither did I, but I also worked when I was sick, because even though I don't call out, I catch lots of stuff! I'm hoping that will be better now.
8. Fit people are more favorably thought of in social settings than their unfit friends. I know this because, one, I have eyes and can see and two, because I was unfit (okay, still am but changing my ways) and can clearly see the difference between how people treat me vs. my fit friends.
9. Fit people have LOTS more options for fun and adorable clothing. Man! I can't WAIT to be able to wear cuter clothes!!
10. Fit people don't scare the neighbors when they go outside in their bikini top and shorts! It will be over 100 degrees presently, so yes, I'll be scaring the neighbors some today. 'smile'

I wrote earlier in the week (Day 27) about some of the things I want out of life. The above, I suppose, could be just more of that. I want what fit people have. This work I'm doing to renovate me is going to get me what I want.

In the meantime, I need to be busy. As I've noted, fit people are busy people! So, besides doing more 'active' things like keeping my house and car cleaner, I will be writing more in the blog. I will start a bi-weekly blog posting where I'll write about the book(s) I read over the previous 2 weeks. I think I'll call the posts: Tome Time [Date]. This will help the readers know that the posting is about what I've been reading for the two weeks ahead of the date listed. I LOVE to read, but it is amazing how the unimportant, urgent (usually urgent for someone else) things of life can squeeze the things you love right out of your day! This will keep me focused and making time for reading knowing I need to write about that. There are other blog subjects that I want to start writing about and I'll be developing these ideas as I move along. I hope you'll enjoy them all! By the way, if you don't see a blog about what I've been reading in exactly two weeks from now (Sunday, August 25) please kick me in my a**! :)

I've been playing with some pictures today, comparing what I looked like just 30 days ago and I'm pleased with the results so far. I won't be taking any new pictures until next month, but until then here are some pictures from long ago that show me (more fit and more fat) than I am today and provide a glimpse into what I think fit vs. fat looks like.  Enjoy!

FAT

Okay, so above is me, FAT! And what did I care about? Eating mostly. Food I cooked and food I bought already made and you can see that that got me! Oh, and the MESS in the garage was there because I was "too tired" do clean it up! Shameful!!!!

FIT

And here we have my representation of fit, or at least more fit than fat. All of the 'women' in these two collages are me. In the fit representation above it was 2008 and I had worked off 107 lbs. of nasty FAT, only to allow illness and other stresses put it back on. I want to avoid this in future...been there; done that!

In the collages above there are some random pictures of food which probably makes sense to you, but there are some rooms that probably don't make sense. Well, notice that the room depicted in the 'fat' collage is a MESS and the one in the 'fit' collection is beautifully uncluttered and clean.  Also, I can get my car in the garage because I had the energy to clean it out!

So, fit vs. fat. What does it mean to you? To me it is the difference between living the life of a defeated person and a person who has great experiences. I want to be the later of these two people.  Please, GOD! Help me be fit!!! Until tomorrow and another beautiful day in my world, sweet dreams, Sweeties!

Day 27

We are swiftly approaching the 30 day mark. Not that it's all that important, as this will take as long as it takes, but 30 days is good. It says, "Nancy has the habit of eating with thought and exercising regularly." In the face of those facts, I don't want to screw it up!

Last weekend was a test of my ability to do the right thing, at least most of the time. I did okay. Not perfect, but okay. So, check! I can travel and not go berserk with food. What I didn't do is exercise and it was something I should have done. My sister would say that I exercised walking all over the place with her, but as we ALL know, it isn't the same. So, the days march on and I continue to work at this getting me where I should be thing.

As I'm working on this renovation of myself, I'm putting lots of thought into what I really want out of life. For so many years, I just wanted to survive. I felt like that was all I was ever going to be able to do,  so I got into the habit of surviving being enough. Then I had a child and I needed to think about making sure he has everything he needs. Now, it seems that with all the work I put into 'surviving' and raising my family and preparing for everyone's future, I'm finally in a place where I can relax long enough to consider what I really want out of life. So, what the heck do I really want?

Yes, you know I can't stand it and I HAVE to write a list! So, here is an initial list of what I want out of life  (I probably want more than this, but I have to have some secrets, don't I?):

I Want...

• ...a doctor to tell me that my blood work is NORMAL. (i.e. no high bad cholesterol, no pre-diabetes, no cancer indicators, NO NOTHING!)
• ...to be able to walk and walk and not think I'm going to pass out!
• ...my normal activity and approach to food to simply be normal and right.
• ...to blend in with the world because I'm NORMAL. (catching a theme here?)
• ...the experience of going into a normal store and selecting a normal sized clothing item off the rack and trying it on and it fits perfectly.
• ...the experience of wearing a beautiful fancy dress and not think people are saying to themselves, "She's really too fat for that look!"
• ...a life of quality that allows me to get around and experience new people, places and things without worrying what people are thinking of me.
• ...not to be sick because I'm fat.
• ...the people I love (and you know who you are) to be proud to be seen with me (and you know you aren't right now).
• ...my body to experience less pain because I'm not forcing it to carry 130 lbs. of extra me around!
• ...to know what it's like not to be judged by my fat.
• ...to fulfill my dreams (this is an entirely separate list) and no, I'm not telling you what those are!

I guess you could call this the start of a bucket list, but not really. The bucket isn't even in my thoughts! Most of my wants are not really tangible. I can't go and buy them or make them. All I know is that I can't seem to get any of these things that I really want, until I fix this overeating, food obsessed, lazy ass of mine!! "Wow! That's kind of harsh, Nancy," I hear you saying. I call 'em as I see 'em, honey! No one else can fix this problem. I have to change. It's like telling a depressed person to, "Snap out of it!" Well, so far, I haven't been able to snap out of my issues and make the changes stick. This time, I'm doing things differently with the 'sticky' part being the prime focus. I know now that I can't solve my eating issues, while trying to prepare 3 meals a day for my family. Maybe other people can do it, but I can't. I've proved I can't and so, I am no longer a good home cook.  In fact, I'm no cook at all. That avenue of pleasure has been closed off and we don't want it opened up again! Yes, cooking was a great pleasure, but not because of the act of preparing the meals! If you think that, you're wrong.  NOPE! I became and held onto being a good...no, GREAT cook, because it allowed me to eat. As the cook, I had to taste everything, didn't I? Of course! Yes, I admit it. I cooked because I wanted to eat and I only wanted to eat delicious food.  Oh, and yes, LOTS of it!!  Oh, I'm admitting lots today! So, I don't want to cook anymore, or even handle much food. I need the food to be ready for me to eat and so, MFF is what I use and they are GREAT! I will also use frozen when I need to, but all my food needs to be prepared for me.

The exercise is coming along nicely. I actually like exercising, but just prefer to do it outside. It's just too hot to do it here at the moment. I'm also working up to being able to be outside for more than 30 minutes walking. It will all be okay with the exercise...I have confidence.

So, I've spilt my guts (isn't that a pretty picture?) and now it's time to go get myself ready for rest. I had a tough night last night with leg/foot cramps that drug me out of bed several times. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure it will all be okay. I will sleep well tonight...please let it be so! Until tomorrow, sweet dreams, Sweeties!!

Day 8

Hello, Sweeties!! A new day and a new week for me to tear up!!! I was a slow riser this morning and so had to grocery shop with all the other late Saturday risers. What a mad house! But I did do something I've been wanting to do for over a week now. I bought meals from My Fit Foods, to cover my next three days, instead of the items I put on the list last night. I'll include information about how these worked as I blog along over the next few days.

I at my first My Fit Food meal for lunch after the grocery store. Unfortunately, I was so hungry (not having had any breakfast this morning) that I failed to take a picture of it. That's okay, because My Fit Foods can be found at myfitfoods.com and you can see a picture of what I had there! So, my very first meal was the Texas Fit BBQ. I must say that it was delicious! With My Fit Foods, you can choose small, medium or large portions. I selected the small, because I wanted to see if the small one would fill me up. Take into consideration that I was really hungry, having had no breakfast when I ate the meal for my lunch today, at the end of the meal, I was satisfied and I would go even further and say, full. So, I'm preparing a rating scale for the My Fit Foods.  I'll be using my little drawing of myself as the scale. Here is the key to the rating system:  1 icon=okay; 2=average; 3=great!; 4=I want this every day!! Here is the icon:

So, the Texas Fit BBQ (small portion) I had today for lunch would rate as:  

Next time, I'll have a picture of the meal for you!

Last week I promised benchmarking pictures of me. This has got to be one of the hardest things I'll do in the blog; provide pictures of myself. As time goes by, it should get easier, but for now, please know that I didn't like taking or looking at these images. If nothing else, they do help me stay on track, because it is SO BAD right now. Here is my benchmark (I'm weighing in at about 280 lbs. here):

Yep, this is me. The plan is to get me to what I call, "I can think weight," which is about 100 lbs. less. Once I'm at 180 lbs. I will start the next phase, which is the fight, and I do mean FIGHT, to get another 30 lbs off me. at 150 lbs. (and by that time 55 years old) I'll be satisfied...I think...but maybe not. I know how I want to feel and look and I won't really be happy until I'm there.  Whenever that is and however long it takes to get there, I don't want to forget what it felt like and looked like being here. I'm so ashamed of myself! However did I let this happen? Thinking! That's my problem.  I think stupid things (see my "Out of Control" blog posting from July 12, 2013) all the time! To put it simply, I make s**t up, all the time, that simply is NOT true! Yet, I lamely go along believing it. What a mess I can be! But thankfully, I'm wise to my stupid thinking and I'm going to do things this time to stop that madness. 

I'm ready for a bit of rest and fun now. I'll take a walk today and see if I can help the sciatica thing go away. I do believe that losing weight has got to help. Thanks for checking in on me. Have a lovely Saturday, Sweeties!!