Days 254 and 255

What should I do with my hair?

Just 110 days until I have completed the year of blogs that were supposed to end with Nancy being a fraction of her former self! Although there is still time to establish good habits, I'm unlikely to be a size 8 within the next 110 days! Let's just hope that the previous 255 days have not been an investment in futility.

I've had to step back a little and evaluate my motivation and ask myself if the same goals still apply 255 days later. Yes, I'm a frustrating person, but you'll get used to me. After all of the evaluating, questioning and thinking, I can easily identify exactly what I want. The list is short and there is a list, because I just work better with a list. So, here it is the Top 5 Things Nancy Wants:

1. I want to eat what I want; when I want; however I want it.
2. I want to eat without having to analyze the food to death.
3. I want to be so normal that I don't stand out in a crowd...at all.
4. I want all of the elements of my blood work to be safely in range.
5. I want to never have to set foot into a specialty shop for clothes ever again in my life!

Now, the list above is just food related. One of the things that I've really struggled with is the question: "Why am I having problems with food?" I think I make things harder for myself than they should be. Down deep inside, I feel like I should be able to wake-up one morning and be normal; that it shouldn't be so hard for a person like me to correct these problems. But clearly the problem is insurmountable. Does everyone struggle with problems the way I do? I get myself so worked up into agony over the subject, that all I can think about is comfort food. It's truly a vicious circle!! Also, at what point in my life will I ever be full? I'm sick to the death of sight of soy beans. Yet, if they were available, I'd probably eat some, even though I'm not interested in them at all and I'm not even hungry!! Where does this problem with eating when I'm not hungry come from?

As you can see, I have many, MANY issues to resolve with questions oh-plenty that need answers. We will see how it goes. For now, I'm off to complete some much needed restful skin treatments.  Until tomorrow when I'll share more about the aging experience that is Nancy's life, Godspeed, Voyagers!!

Days 242 - 253

Have you ever spent 2 months trying to convince yourself of something only to find that you are wrong and possibly more stubborn than a red wine stain on a white linen table cloth? Well, that is a perfect description of me and my work to convince myself that I should be a Vegan. Guess what? I shouldn't be a Vegan! I went into this endeavor trying to rid my diet of toxic food and to be able to lose weight naturally. It didn't work.  Here are the top 10 things that I learned during the 2 months, while I followed a Vegan diet:

1. There is something wrong with every trendy eating program out there. You name it, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, Low-Carb, High Protein. There's something wrong with every one of them.
2. I am a meat eater. That doesn't mean I want all kinds of meat or that I want large portions of meat or that I want it all the time, but I do need meat in my diet.
3. You can drink Coke and eat potato chips all day long and still call yourself a Vegan. (Being a Vegan doesn't mean you're healthy.)
4. Never, ever, open your mouth about what you've learned about food unless you're ready for people to take pot-shots at you.
5. The best eating program is the one YOU personally approve.
6. I'm sick to death of the sight of Soy Beans.
7. Genetics do play a part in how I look, feel, age, think and act.
8. I didn't ever like being called a Vegan and I'm happy to be over it.
9. When you don't eat the things you like and desire, you are never satisfied and in my case, this means I ate constantly trying to find satisfaction; making it virtually impossible to lose weight.
10. If food doesn't kill me something else certainly will. God only knows when that will be and I know that my mission here on earth, besides bringing glory to God, is to figure out how to eat like a normal person and help my son not have food issues.

Honestly, I am an average person with average intellect. Being average, I'm just like everyone else. Everyone has something that is like their nemesis and food is the proverbial thorn in my side. This whole thing started when my husband made me watch a video on YouTube about food. It was of a doctor speaking to a large group of other doctors. That video messed me up. The bottom line is that it pushed me over the edge and made me think the only way to live is like a Vegan. WRONG! Wrong, Wrong, WRONG!! The only way to live is the way you decide is best and no one should ever feel pressured to eat anything specific or in a specific way. I believe everything in the Bible. When I read Romans 14:1-4, I believe it says that I don't have the right to look down on anyone about how he chooses to eat, but neither does anyone else have the right to look down on me, either. All food is clean according to the Bible, but it may not all be good for me personally (remember those genetics?). Anyway, after 2 months of trying I find I am not Vegan and as I said in #8 above, I'm over it!

I am tempted to think that I've wasted valuable time trying to eat according to someone else's plan. The reality is that it is all just investment in myself. I know now that what works for me is to eat whatever I like and count the calories. On top of that, I need physical activity. That is my normal. Thanks for checking in on me as I continue the work to improve myself. Over this year I have been focused on improving my eating (which should lead to more normal blood work results), teeth, skin and thinking. Eating is still a work in progress and thinking is ever changing for me. In the teeth department, I had a dental appointment just 2 weeks ago and my gums have improved and are considered normal and healthy and all I did was lengthen my brushing sessions to 3 full minutes and twice per day, floss at least once per day and massage my gums daily. Skin is also so much better and my dermatologist froze a Dysplastic Nevi on my face yesterday. I'll be peeling skin soon like a zombie, but eventually the thing will be gone.  Here is what the spot looked like before and after Cryotherapy:

The whole thing will take about 2 weeks or so to turn dark and fall off.  In the top picture, I know it's hard to tell, but the spot was raised and bothered me that I could not hide it. I can put up with a little pain knowing that the spot will be gone soon.  I will also be trying some new medication for my Rosacea soon, but my skin, in general, is much better. So, the year (almost a year now) hasn't been a total waste. I've learned lots and hope I'll always be learning. Be sure to check back soon when I'll tell you more about the nonsense that is my life. Until then, keep your chin up and Godspeed, Voyagers!!

Days 232 through 241

Wow! Has it really been over a week since I last blogged? Yes, it has and during that time I've been continuing my work at being Vegan. During this time I tested the waters to see if maybe I could be mostly Vegan instead of entirely Vegan. You see, I was missing cheese. So, I thought that I'd try just eating a little cheese one day to see what would happen. It made me so sick to my stomach with cramps and pain that I was instantly cured of my cheese cravings. As lovely as that food item is, I can no longer stomach it.

I can remember as a child I didn't want to eat meat and even avoided it for the most part. My mom used to push me to eat it and I'd do my best, but I can remember just really liking a cheese sandwich over a hamburger. But she was relentless. She started giving us what I remember was Stewart's Tonic, which was a castor oil based tonic reported to boost appetite (she thought I was too thin, don't you know) and after a tablespoon of that evil liquid I'd eat anything to make it never be in my mouth again. As you can suspect, I learned to clean my plate (Ugh!), eat meat, fat, sweets and everything as deep fried as possible. I am the perfect example of why it's important to demonstrate a healthy diet and help your children find alternatives if they don't like something. Had I been encouraged to eat fruits, vegetables and simple foods as little prepared as possible, I'd be much healthier today. Also, please, please never push people to clean their plates. That's just bad...really, really a bad idea. Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full; the only way to live.

Okay, so I don't miss the meat and now, I don't really miss the cheese either. I still eat pizza and enchiladas, but they are without the cheese. I still eat out. I just ask more questions about what's in my meal and ask for adjustments to the dish when necessary (i.e. No cheese, please). When summer arrives I'll probably want more salads, but at the moment I'm not really eating much salad. Most people I talk with about my eating habits either are really worried about my intake of protein (please find something more interesting to ask...really, please!) or they think all I eat is salad, day and night. Well, with my Vegan diet my protein intake is where it should be for my condition (less one kidney) and no thank you, I don't eat salad all day.

I've been reviewing Vegan cookbooks and I'm astonished by the number of volumes that focus on 'replacing' or remaking foods so that the eater is not 'missing' something like meat or cheese. Let me say this, about that: If you want meat and cheese and can stomach it, please eat it. There is no real substitute for either of these. Having said that, I have found a meatless burger that is fantastic. I love the 365 brand Meatless Burgers (below) and these have become a weekend favorite for me. I really

love these. I dress these as I would my favorite hamburger, with mustard, pickles and onions. Lettuce and tomato makes it too wet so I keep those toppings for something else. These don't in any way replace a real hamburger. They are actually BETTER than a their beefy brothers. My boys were convinced that real beef burgers were better than these (I knew the truth already), so they did a side-by-side taste test. They both said that the 365 brand Meatless Burgers are BETTER than beef burgers. Plus, there isn't the messy preparation with these burgers and your house doesn't smell like fried meat all night, either. Yes, these might be a replacement for beef burgers, but because they are really better, I don't see it that way.

So for the past 10 days (Wow, I've been lazy!!) I've been enjoying time with my family and trying to figure out how to accomplish all of the things I want in my life. I've had my annual evaluation at work, taken a short trip to see my sister, celebrated my husbands birthday (he hates surprises) and had my cancer check-up. All is well, but never perfect. There is always something for me to do better or be better at. Practice does make more perfect, you know! I just keep remembering that the days are what I make out of them; I decide how it's going to be. As it's Sunday, it's time for me to get on with the weekly laundry, clean the bathroom and try to get some organization into my makeup area. (What a mess!!)  So, until next time, keep your chin up, eat something good and take a walk and Godspeed, Voyagers!!