Finding Control

Twice a year (at the moment it's twice a year) I have a visit with my cancer doctor where he investigates my person thoroughly looking for possible family members of the Renal Cell Carcinoma he removed from me in 2011. I am coming up on that visit in less than 2 weeks. Every time I work through the pre-visit steps (i.e. blood work and X-rays or sonograms or MRIs) I find myself holding my breath in anticipation of what will happen. Will there be something there that wasn't there the last time? Will he find some new friend of the last cancer? Will God let me live a little longer? Over the last 3 years, I've graduated from 4 visits per year to 2. So far, so good. However, I'm becoming fed up with myself over how much the thought of these check-ups negatively effect me and I am working to set some positive goals that I hope will help me get through future events with ease. I really believe that the way I think about taking care of myself is the issue. The fact is I never really learned how to take care of myself properly as a child. What I learned shouldn't be in anyone's text book. I should be the poster child for "This is not how to do it" child rearing! I'm not complaining mind you, but I am frustrated with myself and why at this advanced age, I can't seem to figure out how to be more healthy. ..sigh..

I am continuing to work on my projects. The toaster oven cooking is on hold as it's just too hot to cook anything. I can't think about baking without breaking out in a sweat! My Halloween costume is really making me crazy. I have 3 ideas and none of them are making me overly excited. I continue my work on that project, but I have to make a decision by the first week in September or I won't have time to make the costume properly.

Other than watching the heat turn the front yard from lush and green to brown and crunchy, my days are filled with work, goal setting and planning. There is so much to be done and no time to do any of it in. Work is a bit demanding at the moment and I'm okay with that as it is what funds the rest of my existence. At the moment I just want to feel a bit more in control and I think God will have to help me get there. Trying to make that happen on my own just hasn't worked for me. Go figure!

So that's it from HumbleVoyager land. I'm still working on my own set of problems and doing my best to help those around me find what they want in life. Some I can truly help and some I can't. This too is upsetting to me, but again, I give it to God. Only He can really help me deal with the dissatisfactions of life. Thanks for stopping by. Until next time when I hope to give better news about a project completed, Godspeed, Voyagers!!